Movie Review: NO TIME TO DIE

They say all good things come to those who wait. Nothing signifies this statement more the 25th official James Bond film No Time To Die. There were pre-production delays, production mishaps, and nearly two years worth of post-production COVID release date shuffling.

To give Daniel Craig his proper swan song (or is it Swann song?) took a total of six years. That feels like an eternity since the lackluster Spectre. Well, no hard feelings. After finally witnessing No Time To Die, it is all water under the bridge. It was well worth the wait. The 15 years of Craig’s Bond turned out to be something special.

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My NOtes TIME TO DIE:

  • Someone call the blood bank. We seem to be lacking blood for the gun barrel. Hmmm… Bond sort of just disappears, doesn’t he? Interesting.
  • Very creepy, cold opening with Safin and his Noh mask. Cary Fukunaga showing off his unique directing style right from the start.
  • I was half expecting young Madeleine to shoot the bottle of bleach in Safin’s face. I also thought about Madeleine telling this story to Bond on the train in Spectre.
  • I would love to know what happened with Safin and young Madeleine immediately after he saved her from the ice.
  • Has any other James Bond spent more time in Italy than Craig?
  • Using “We Have All The Time In The World” in Matera was a nice touch by Hans Zimmer.
  • Are they married?
  • I don’t know French as well as I should. What does Madeleine write down on paper and then burn? The Masked Man?
  • Bond visiting Vesper’s tomb is both sad and awkward.
  • That tricky kid! Too bad Bond never catches up with him.
  • The bridge jump lost its WOW factor after seeing it so many times in the trailers and TV spots.
  • Primo is a good old fashioned Euro-trash henchman.
  • The car chase in Matera makes this a top notch pre-title sequence.
  • The acting by Craig and Seydoux while the Aston Martin DB5 is being shot up to bits is outstanding.
  • I really dig Billie Eilish’s title tune. It’s not quite Adele’s “Skyfall” but it comes close.
  • I was slightly underwhelmed by Daniel Kleinman’s title sequence.
  • The break-in at the lab is shot very well. Feels like something out of Nolan’s Batman.
  • Valdo is the love child of Borat and Boris (Goldeneye). He might be one of the most annoying supporting characters in Bond history.
  • How does Safin know SPECTRE’s lab attack plan? Is Primo already playing both sides? I don’t think so.
  • Primo’s favorite Bond movie? For Your EYE Only. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
  • Mallory/M is a sneaky one. He is an accidental villain in NTTD. This is the same guy who forced M (Judi Dench) to retire in Skyfall?!
  • I could watch a two hour movie of James’ quiet, retired life in Jamaica.
  • Always good to see Felix back. Wright is either the best or second best Leiter.
  • Logan Ash might as well have DOUBLE CROSSER tattooed on his forehead.
  • I need to know more about the quarters game James and Felix are playing.
  • Heineken at a Jamaican bar? Red Stripe!!!!
  • I enjoy (Nomi) LaShana Lynch’s faux-Jamaican accent.
  • I like how they handled Nomi’s 007 reveal.
  • I love how Craig’s Bond has no respect for Mallory/M. His M was “mum.”
  • “Mad as bag of bees” might be my new favorite saying.
  • Ana de Armas doesn’t have a lot of screen time as Paloma, but she makes the most of it. She and Craig have great carry-over chemistry from Knives Out.
  • We all wanted to see a SPECTRE “Bunga Bunga” party right?
  • I spotted Michael G. Wilson.
  • Blofeld’s birthday party? I wonder what his sign is?!
  • Primo’s camera eye can’t be sanitary.
  • The Cuba party/action is giving me Moore/Brosnan vibes.
  • If I had been in Bond’s shoes, I am spending the rest of my life in Cuba with Paloma. That’s why I would be a crappy agent.
  • Not sure why Ash is aligned with Safin.
  • You can feel that Craig’s Bond and Wright’s Leiter are good pals.
  • Felix dying in the water in front of Bond has shades of Vesper’s death.
  • I would watch a two hour movie of just Bond in his storage unit.
  • The Aston Martin from The Living Daylights has always been a sweet looking ride. Did James win this one in a poker game too?
  • Moneypenny and Tanner don’t really have much to do in this movie.
  • I can sense Craig is way more into this film than the previous one.
  • Nomi is certainly a teacher’s pet with M.
  • Finally, we get to see Q’s home life and his furless cats.
  • Safin’s personal targets beyond his “kill Spectre” plan is a little murky.
  • Malek’s accent is very vague. Slightly Russian, slightly made up country.
  • This Madeleine-Lyutsifer reunion is chilling, although not sure how old Safin is. He must have been a teenager when he killed her mother.
  • Safin is half-megalomaniac, half-stalker.
  • M and Bond finally seeing eye-to-eye during their outdoor meeting in London. A nice little scene set to the On Her Majesty’s Secret Service theme.
  • Nanobots-DNA? Worst Christmas gift ever!
  • The infection part does have a COVID feel to it.
  • Madeleine not wanting to shake hands with James for a couple of reasons.
  • How soon before Blofeld’s eye ball camera becomes the next streaming service?
  • Ernst Stavro Lecter? Hannible Blofeld?
  • I hate that Bond calls him Blofeld. His name is Oberhauser. Don’t give him the satisfaction.
  • Craig slips into his Benoit Blanc performance/accent during the interrogation scene.
  • Waltz in this cameo > his entire performance in Spectre.
  • How does Oberhauser/Blofeld know Madeleine’s secret?
  • Good thing Bond doesn’t have any family… right? Those infected hands. Yikes!
BookBloke on Twitter: "Glad I'm not the only one who thought that line was a bit Sideshow Bob. #NoTimeToDie… "
  • That bridge in Norway looks like a fun joyride. Wish they had done more with it action wise.
  • I didn’t buy the love between James Bond and Madeleine Swann in Spectre, but it is working for me in NTTD.
  • Daniel Craig morphing into Richard Burton.
  • I enjoyed seeing the Hall of M portraits. Timelines are officially all over the place now.
  • Madeleine living in her childhood home full of bad memories. Awkward.
  • I appreciate Bond and Swann trying to fill in the Safin plot gaps.
  • Bond cooking breakfast for his daughter > Bond cooking quiche for Stacy Sutton.
  • “Do mosquitoes have friends?” I am going to use this line from now on.
  • The Range Rover action scene feels like a commercial.
  • The spooky forest suits Safin. Wish we could have seen more of him in those scenes.
  • Bond killing Ash, similar to Bond killing Locke in For Your Eyes Only.
  • Nomi giving Bond back his 007 status, while hard to believe, does have a nice touch to it.
  • Safin has elements of Dr. No for sure. At one point he is even called “Doctor”. If Dr. No also had a creepy obsession with a woman whose life he saved as a child.
  • The Poison Garden is a nice call back to the You Only Live Twice novel. I would have liked to have seen more of the dangerous plants.
  • The gravity plane stunt is similar to the bridge jump stunt, in that seeing it too often in the trailers/commercials devalued its awe.
  • The villain’s lair is quite spectacular, although Safin’s security is somewhat lax.
  • I envy Nomi getting to kick and punch Valdo. She speaks for the audience.
  • Safin is selling Heracles? To whom exactly? Weren’t there five screenwriters on this?
  • Bond’s verbal mano y mano with Safin lacks the punch of his previous ones vs Silva and Oberhauser/Blofeld.
  • Safin may be the world’s worst babysitter, but he is finally coming off as menacing.
  • I like Mathilda’s attitude. Definitely the daughter of James Bond.
  • Valdo is a racist scientist? Interesting.
  • Mallory/M should lose his job for this whole Heracles Project fiasco.
  • Bond is just killing Safin’s men left and right. Surviving grenade attacks. He is in video game God mode!
  • Bond doing a final little gun barrel turn and shoot during all the mayhem was a nice touch.
  • Primo’s death was an eye opener. Sorry. I’ll stop now.
  • The admiral sounds like Ian Fleming.
  • Bond breaking Safin’s arm might the most brutal thing I’ve ever witnessed in a James Bond movie.
  • James not being able to touch Madeleine and Mathilda is heartbreaking.
  • Not sure James would have survived the gunshot wounds anyway.
  • “Final Ascent” by Zimmer is haunting.
  • Nice tribute at M’s office back at MI6.
  • The connection to On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is complete.
  • Ian Fleming’s James Bond will return. Daniel Craig’s James Bond will not return.
Ken Hoffman's theatrical James Bond story of the spy who hated him - CultureMap Houston

Bond’s coolest moment? At the Cuba party, just after Bond and Paloma waste a bunch of bad guys, they have a quick drink. Craig’s Bond swallows his drink, grabs his automatic gun, does a smooth slide across the bar and is ready for action once more.

Bond’s most embarrassing moment? Losing his cool with Oberhauser/Blofeld.

Bond’s best line? This script does give Craig more opportunities at one-liners than ever before. A few to choose from, but I like his “Another child?” quip to Madeleine when says she has something to show him.

Best acting performance? Lea Seydoux makes up for a poorly written part in Spectre and ends up being the acting MVP of No Time To Die.

Bond’s #MeToo #TimesUp moment? Bond is on pretty good behavior here, although it is amusing when he thinks Nomi and later on Paloma are coming onto him.

Worst line in the movie?  A few contenders. Valdo’s “I like animals!” and James’ “Die Blofeld! Die!” are a tad embarrassing. But our winner is Nomi with “Do you know what time it is? Time to die.” Oof.

What I noticed for the first time after watching this for the 4th time?  Nomi left the keys in the plane ignition. Pretty easy for Bond or anyone else to steal.

Best action sequence? As wonderful as the Cuba sequence is, I am going with the opening in Matera. Tomb explosion, bridge jump, fight with Primo, motorcycle jump, car chase, etc.

Who or what is the title song about? It’s interesting how a teenage girl could sum up Craig’s Bond’s feelings, but Billie Eilish does it well. The song “No Time To Die” doubles down on Bond feeling betrayed by Madeleine.

Best looking cinematic moment? Hard to pick just one, but the visuals are quite stunning when Bond visits Madeleine and Mathilda in Norway. The DP (Linus Sandgren) is at the top of his game.

How could the villain have succeeded? Probably by quitting after killing Spectre and Blofeld. Also, cut down on his obsession with Madeleine Swann. Malek is a terrific actor, but the writers let him down.

Which other Bond actor could have starred in this movie? The emotional sections, especially the tragic ending is all Craig. Can’t see any other actor handle that. The lighthearted parts + the action scenes, could have easily come from a Brosnan Bond flick.

Does Bond ever think he might die? Umm… yeah… about that. “I know.”

James Bond 25? No, Time to Die! : r/simpsonsshitposting

What would have made the movie better? Giving Safin a true motivation beyond the first half revenge plot. Since we are dealing with DNA, why not make Safin much older in age than he appears by using his DNA weapon to keep himself alive and healthy. The title NO TIME TO DIE would ring truer than it does.

What’s in a name? Bond never uses an alias, which is surprising since he doesn’t want to be found in Jamaica.

What’s in a title? No Time To Die is an original title. Before choosing that one, producers almost went with A Reason To Die. I personally believe a better title would have been “All The Time In The World.”

Drinking game: A take a shot of Cuban rum any time “Heracles” is said. Salud!

“WTF?!” moment: Bond slapping Valdo on the ass. Quite amusing and out of nowhere.

Fun fact: It was rumored that the original director, Danny Boyle, wanted to kill off Bond and the producers didn’t go for it. Judging from the ending, I guess that story got mixed up.

Overall ranking: 9th out of 25.

Review synopsis: Daniel Craig’s 15 year run as 007 has come to an end and we thank him for his service. Craig does something Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan never did. Go out on top. While No Time To Die isn’t on the level of Casino Royale or Skyfall, it is better than Quantum of Solace and Spectre. Overall it’s so much more impressive than its plot. Specifically, the villain’s plot. NTTD will not be a James Bond film that people ever say: “Which one was that again?” It will be remembered forever.

No Time to Die ending explained: How Daniel Craig's last James Bond movie wraps up - CNET

My Smaller Budget BOND 26

James Bond fans are rejoicing over the news that No Time To Die is finally, for sure this time, being released 9/30 in the U.K. and 10/8 in the U.S. That is the bright side of it all, but there is a slightly negative turn down the road.

No Time To Die will have a difficult time making Skyfall and Spectre type of money in this current COVID box-office climate. In fact, earning around $500 million worldwide would be a moral victory and even that comes way below what Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace brought in.

All of this means we might not see the next Bond flick start even pre-production until late 2023, if we are lucky. We will also probably witness a James Bond production with half the budget of NTTD. A scaled down 007 picture isn’t always a harbinger of doom. Goldeneye and Casino Royale, which starred two new Bond actors, were both reasonably budgeted and both were critical and box-office successes.

With this in mind I decided to think way ahead and come up with my own idea for a lower budgeted Bond 26. I know that EON now has Amazon as a sugar daddy, but for the sake of this experiment I will act like Bezos-bucks isn’t a factor.

Working title: BOND 26

Potential titles:

  • Licence Renewed
  • Risico
  • Devil May Care
  • The Weight of the World
  • For England
  • Bite the Bullet 
  • The Cold Shoulder

Director: Yann Demange

White Boy Rick' Director Yann Demange 'Not Hot on Informant Stories' | Observer

EON can’t afford the likes of Sam Mendes, or Christopher Nolan, or Denis Villeneuve. Also, if Cary Fukunaga knocks NTTD out of the park (the buzz is there) he might become too expensive. So I choose Demange, who was on EON’s Bond 25 radar before selecting their original choice… Danny Boyle. Demange would be more of a Marc Forster (Quantum of Solace) type of selection. He has only directed two major motion pictures (’71, White Boy Rick). This would be a risk, but it could pay off.

Writers: Neal Purvis and Robert Wade

  • Let’s face the fact that these two are never going away. They have been writing Bond scripts since The World Is Not Enough. I am sure EON will have a third accomplished screenwriter to polish the script up. They have hired Paul Haggis, John Logan and Phoebe Waller-Bridge in the past to improve the work Purvis & Wade.

James Bond: ???

  • The 7th James Bond actor will have a tough act to follow. Stepping into Daniel Craig’s tux is going to be just as daunting as when George Lazenby took over for Sean Connery. Craig reportedly made around $25 mil for No Time To Die. You can expect the next 007 to earn something closer to $2-$3 million instead. So that leaves us with a relatively unknown actor. Perhaps even less known than Daniel Craig was in 2005.

Let’s get the “big name” choices out of the way first: No to Cavill, Hiddleston, Elba, Hardy, etc. I considered Aidan Turner, James Norton and Regé-Jean Page since their names have been attached in the past. But I am choosing an actor that will make most of us go… WHO?!?!

My choice to be the 007th James Bond actor is Josh Bowman.

Josh Bowman to be the next James Bond? - Mediamass

Bowman would be in his mid-30s by the time Bond 26 started amping up. He is English, around 6’0, has been in a couple of ABC shows (Revenge, Time After Time). Bowman would be a mixture of a “safe choice” looks-wise, while also being a real gamble due to being an “unknown” product. I might even cast him last when it comes to the rest of the crew.

Main Villain: Andrew Koji

Bond producers made a brilliant choice for Le Chiffre with Mads Mikkelsen. I think Koji would be a similarly smart casting decision. He is the most interesting character in this summer’s Snake Eyes. This British-born actor, of Japanese descent, is a rising star and has the makings of a memorable Bond villain.

Leading Ladies: Daniela Melchior, Logan Browning

Daniela Melchior's Ratcatcher 2 gives 'The Suicide Squad' heart - Los Angeles Times
How Playing A Mean Girl On TV Informed Logan Browning's Work To End Bullying

The Portuguese Melchior stole the show as Ratcatcher II in The Suicide Squad. While the American Browning has been the star of Netflix’s Dear White People for a few seasons now. These two casting decisions follow in line with past ones like Olga Kurylenko and Ana de Armas.

MI6 Staff: M (Olivia Colman), Moneypenny (Hannah-John Kamen), Q (Matt Berry)

HANNAH JOHN-KAMEN as Dr Sophie Hart in SAS: Red Notice (2021)
Matt Berry: 'As soon as I get the sense that someone is being funny, I have to get out. I can't stand it'
  • Colman would give us that award-winning, sassy tongued M that we have been missing since Dame Judi. She has also played a spy handler before in The Night Manager. Kamen (Ant-Man & the Wasp) would be a less expensive Moneypenny than Harris, while still being able to bring something extra to the role. Berry (What We Do In The Shadows) would bring the laughs in as Q. Most important factor in casting all three of these roles… all three are English!

Henchman: Francis Ngannou

Francis Ngannou on Twitter: "Wrapped up for the Fast and Furious 9. What a wonderful experience with all those amazing people. I had a lot of fun out here with you guys

6’4, 260 pound MMA fighter, who had a bit part in Fast & Furious 9. Would be more of a Dave Bautista (Hinx) type of henchman.

Locations: Location! Location! Location! Sometimes the most important element of a Bond movie is the travelogue. Since I am acting like we are on a thrifty travel expense budget, I am afraid the usual hotspots of Italy and the Caribbean are off the map in Bond 26.

  • London, England (Pinewood Studios)
  • Budapest, Hungary (Korda Studios)
  • Dubrovnik, Croatia
  • Singapore
  • Costa Rica

All in all I think I could get the budget to a little under $60 million, which still sounds like a lot, but still nowhere near the usual Bond budgets of $150 mil. Don’t worry, I am sure my Bond 26 won’t be any cheaper than the time Steve Martin played 007.

How to Interview for a Job like James Bond

For Your Films Only on Twitter: "#30DaysofJamesBond 4. Favourite Timothy Dalton scene. Love this from License To Kill when Bond meets Sanchez. “More of a problem eliminator.” Hard as nails and Fleming's

Now that the global pandemic is in the beginning of the end, many workers will have to make a tough career choice. Do you they stay in the current Zoom world at home, or return to their old life of working in the office? If you are choosing the latter, you are going to need to shake off the job interviewing cobwebs. I am here to give you guidance, James Bond guidance.

You can look back at past Bond actors, and the character himself, for some of these answers. For example, body language can say a lot. According to Bond producers Broccoli and Saltzman, Sean Connery moved like a panther. Now I do not recommend walking on all fours during your interview, but be like Sean and have purpose in your movements. Act like you belong.

Speaking of acting like you belong. Nothing wrong with a little irrational confidence either. Look at George Lazenby. He straight up lied his way into becoming James Bond. Hard to lie on a resume and to your future employers these days, but back in 1968 George went for it and succeeded. He did some smooth talking during his interviews/auditions and so can you. Fudge up your resume just a tad.

It is also important to remind yourself to not want it so badly. Daniel Craig pulled this strategy off successfully when he landed the part for Casino Royale. It seemed as if the more he acted like he wasn’t interested, the more the head boss wanted him. Nothing wrong with letting your future employer know that you could take it or leave it. Come to think of it, this is pretty much how Craig plays his Bond anyway!

Image of Hire me or fire me. It's entirely up to you.

When it comes to James Bond himself, there are some interviewing lessons to be learned from the films:

  • Make sure you have your facts together just like Bond (aka Mr. Fisher) did when speaking with Mr. Osato at Osaka Chemicals.
You Only Live Twice: Bond's Blue Suit in Japan » BAMF Style

  • Maybe you want to play it free and easy in your job interview like Bond acted in Zorin’s office. When given a choice… take both.
Image of - Or speed? - Well, a little of both would be ideal.

  • When asked if you are a problem solver, take a page out of Bond’s interview book with Sanchez and drop in the “problem eliminator” line. Just lose the sardonic laughter. To be honest, you could take most Bond’s interview answers to Sanchez and turn it into a winning interview method.

What I Would Like To See: Amazon – MGM Deal

I guess since he already resembles a real life Bond villain, it would only make sense for Jeff Bezos to meddle with the 007 franchise.

Virgil: Bond Villain Jeff Bezos Shaken, Not Stirred

With Amazon acquiring MGM seemingly inevitable at this point, maybe it is time to start thinking about what this means. Sure Amazon is snatching up MGM’s vast library (the Rocky franchise, Pink Panther franchise, tons of classic award winning films, etc.) but the $9 billion dollar question is: What about MGM’s longtime cash-cow… the James Bond franchise?

The Broccoli family have been very protective of the EON company, rightfully so, and I don’t think that will change once the Amazon overlords take control. No Time To Die will open (finally!) in theaters this Fall. I would be absolutely shocked if it got a streaming option on Amazon Prime Video.

I do have some ideas on what I would like to see for Bond when Amazon takes over…

  • This is an easy one. The entire James Bond library on Prime Video. Maybe even have it set up for early September, so people can watch all the films leading up to NTTD.
  • While I stated that NTTD will not be streamed at the same time while in theaters, I think it going straight to Prime in very early 2022 would be a wise move. Similar to what Amazon Prime Video did with another Craig picture, Knives Out.
  • There’s a “Being James Bond” documentary floating around about Daniel Craig’s tenure as 007. I would love for that to be included too.
  • Now that the Craig era is coming to an end, I would really hope that Amazon pushes for a Bond film schedule like the good old days. A new movie out every 2-3 years is all I ask for.
  • Finally, I do NOT want Bond to become like Marvel or Star Wars and start branching off with side projects and spinoffs. However, if Amazon wanted to do something like this… https://timetobond.blog/2019/03/07/what-a-bond-tv-series-should-look-like/

Is James Bond a Kleptomaniac?

Oh that sticky fingered 007!

As fans of the Bond franchise know, continuity has never been its specialty. Before the Daniel Craig era, James Bond would go from movie to movie, mission to mission, with very little thread connecting them. Now with No Time To Die, we are getting an end to Craig’s five film-story arc.

Most film historians, and Bond fans, agree that everything from Sean Connery’s Dr. No to Pierce Brosnan’s Die Another Day is about one man and his many dangerous missions. Twenty to be exact.

All of which makes two scenes truly fascinating to me and I am prepared to label James a kleptomaniac.

In George Lazenby’s solo Bond effort (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service) they go through great lengths to visually say (in all caps) THIS IS THE SAME CHARACTER SEAN PLAYED!!!

We get a rare look inside Bond’s office and in pic #1 we see him pull out Honey Ryder’s iconic hip knife belt. When did Bond steal this from Honey? I’m pretty sure Dr. No’s goons took that from her. During the whole commotion at the end of the film maybe he went to the Crab Key lost & found and picked it up for her. Still doesn’t explain why he would keep it as a memento. That’s a little serial killer-ish James.

Picture #2 has Lazenby’s Bond taking out Red Grant’s garrote-watch from his classic train tussle in From Russia With Love. This one makes a little more sense as a Bond keepsake. He almost lost his life to Grant, so why not keep that cool weapon as a reminder of cheating death. I do think Bond should have worn it and used it in a future fight. What do you think, Old Man?

In Pierce Brosnan’s final 007 adventure Die Another Day, he takes a stroll through the Q branch lab and we see the mother of all Bond Easter eggs. The jet pack, the crocodile human submarine, Acrostar jet, etc.

The one that always catches my eye is Rosa Klebb’s poison knife shoe. Keeping in mind that Brosnan’s Bond is Connery’s Bond, did James take that off her foot after she had her kicks and bring it to Q? Were any of the 00 agents going to wear it in the field? And what does the inside of Klebb’s deadly shoe smell like?

What else should Bond have knicked while he was out in the field?

  • Have MI6 raid Goldfinger’s lab and carry out that laser!
  • Mr. Wint’s perfume/aftershave!
  • Tee-Hee’s claw arm! Bond shouldn’t have tossed it out!
  • Scaramanga’s golden gun! C’mon now!
  • Take Kara’s cello!
  • Let’s get really creepy! Go the Isthmus City beauty salon and collect Pam’s hair!

Seven Most Embarrassing Moments for James Bond

Image result for james bond embarrassing moments

He’s the coolest secret agent around, but every now and then 007 gets caught in some hauntingly embarrassing moments. I’ve listed my top (bottom) seven of these cringeworthy film scenes. Roger Moore makes a heavy appearance on the list. I think he would be fine with that.

 

001. James Bond “invents” snowboarding (A View To A Kill)

Not only does he show us this new sport, but by doing so he makes every Russian become bad at skiing. The cover of a cover of The Beach Boys classic doesn’t help. Yet, for a movie like A View To A Kill it does let you know what you are in for the next two hours. My favorite part of this entire pre-titles sequence is knowing Roger Moore never set foot on location.

 

002. James Bond yells like Tarzan! (Octopussy)

Sticking with the late great Sir Roger; here we have him escaping a deadly safari hunt. For some reason, Bond decides to literally sound like Johnny Weissmuller’s Tarzan while swinging from vine to vine. Nobody yells it better.

 

003. (3 way tie) The crocodile, the gorilla and the clown. (Octopussy)

Which other James Bond actor would allow himself to be dressed up like this? The correct answer is only Roger.

Image result for roger moore crocodile

Image result for roger moore gorilla

Image result for roger moore gorilla

 

004. James Bond goes kitesurfing! (Die Another Day)

Pierce Brosnan gets into the embarrassing act game here. Bond kite-surfs an icy tidal wave in Iceland. As if the CGI wasn’t humiliating enough.

 

005. James and Sheriff J.W. Pepper go for a loopy ride. (The Man With The Golden Gun)

Perhaps the only thing more embarrassing than that slide whistle is being in the same car as Sheriff J.W. Pepper. But let’s face it, that slide whistle ruins an amazing real life stunt.

 

006. Bond swings from a fire truck. (A View To A Kill)

Image result for james bond fire truck a view to a killImage result for james bond fire truck a view to a killImage result for james bond fire truck a view to a kill

Looking like a scene I would have created as a 7 year-old playing with my toys, James is hanging on for dear life from a San Francisco fire truck. Swing me back!

 

007. James decides to quip after sex with Dr. Christmas Jones. (The World Is Not Enough)

He had been waiting the whole second-half of the movie to get in a Christmas joke! Mission accomplished.

 

Obscure Movies From Bond Actors

We know all six of them, and we all love to watch them as James Bond. But what about those “I don’t remember him in that” films? Here’s each Bond actor’s most obscure role IMHO. For better or worse, these are some titles that get lost on the resume.

 

SEAN CONNERY as The Green Knight in Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight

Sean Connery in Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (1984)

I’ve never seen this 1984 film because I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen it listed on the TV menu. Connery isn’t the main star in this fantasy. This movie belongs to Miles O’Keefe, of Tarzan and Ator/MST3K “fame”. Sean really does look great in green!

 

 

GEORGE LAZENBY as Mallory in The Master a.k.a. Master Ninja 

Image result for george lazenby mst3k master ninja

Speaking of MST3K; okay so this one isn’t really a movie-movie. It’s a bad 1980s TV show with Lee Van Cleef and Timothy Van Patten. But in it George has a small, but mysterious role as an agent named Mallory. He’s in a tux, and he drives the Aston Martin DB5… but don’t call him James.

 

ROGER MOORE as Dr. Judd Stevens in The Naked Face 

I did see this movie on TV as a kid and the only thing I remember at the end of it is Anne Archer dying in Roger’s arms and him yelling BASTARDS! 

 

TIMOTHY DALTON as Sir Michael Barrington in Sextette 

If you ever want to see 80 year-old Mae West get romantic with a young Timothy Dalton… yeah I know, you don’t either. So instead, here’s them embarrassing themselves with a “Love Will Keep Us Together” duet.

 

PIERCE BROSNAN as Danny O’Neill in Live Wire 

If my memory services me correctly, this 1991 direct-to-video movie bookends with Pierce disabling a car bomb in between a woman’s legs. There is also over the top baddies and suicide bomber dressed as a clown.

Image result for pierce brosnan live wire

Image result for pierce brosnan live wire

Image result for pierce brosnan live wire clown

 

DANIEL CRAIG as Rudy Mackenzie in The Jacket 

A weird flick about Iraqi war vets and a time-traveling straightjacket. Oh yeah and a pre-Bond D.C. in a small role. Think One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest meets Three Kings meets Source Code.

What Is Your James Bond Age?

I am a firm believer that a gentleman doesn’t truly get old until he is older than both the current James Bond actor and the current President of the United States. Luckily, I have both of them beat in the age game. But after Daniel Craig bids us adieu in No Time To Die, I’m pretty sure I will be slightly older than the next 007.

With this in mind, here are all the ages of each Bond during the release year of their movie. I’m not going by actual birthdates, rather how old they turned the same year as their movie.

For example: my current age is Diamonds Are Forever and The Living Daylights.

 

30 years-old (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service)

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32 years-old (Dr. No)

Image result for sean connery james bond

 

33 years-old (From Russia With Love)

Image result for sean connery james bond from russia with love

 

34 years-old  (Goldfinger)

Image result for sean connery james bond goldfinger

 

35 years-old (Thunderball)

Image result for sean connery james bond thunderball

 

37 years-old (You Only Live Twice)

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38 years-old (Casino Royale)

Image result for daniel craig casino royale

 

40 years-old (Quantum of Solace)

Image result for daniel craig quantum of solace

 

41 years-old (Diamonds Are Forever) (The Living Daylights)

Image result for sean connery diamonds are forever

Image result for timothy dalton the living daylights

 

42 years-old (Goldeneye)

Image result for goldeneye pierce brosnan

 

43 years-old (Licence To Kill)

Image result for timothy dalton license to kill

 

44 years-old (Tomorrow Never Dies) (Skyfall)

Image result for tomorrow never dies pierce brosnan

Image result for daniel craig skyfall

 

46 years-old (Live And Let Die) (The World Is Not Enough)

Image result for roger moore live and let die

Image result for the world is not enough pierce brosnan

 

47 years-old (The Man With The Golden Gun) (Spectre)

Image result for james bond roger moore the man with the golden gun

Image result for daniel craig spectre

 

49 years-old (Die Another Day)

Image result for james bond die another day

 

50 years-old (The Spy Who Loved Me)

Image result for james bond the spy who loved me

 

52 years-old (Moonraker) (No Time To Die)

Image result for james bond moonraker

Image result for james bond daniel craig no time to die

 

54 years-old (For Your Eyes Only)

Image result for james bond for your eyes only

 

56 years-old (Octopussy)

Image result for james bond octopussy white tux

 

58 years-old (A View To A Kill)

Image result for james bond a view to kill

 

 

 

 

My Seven Favorite Bond Trailers

While we all wait for Bond 25 to finally give us a title and a teaser trailer, I thought it might be fun to look back at some of the franchise’s past trailers. I’ve listed my seven favorites. My criteria for this exclusive list focuses on two aspects. Firstly, most of the old Connery and Moore trailers are way too long. They are pretty much four minute CliffsNotes versions of the film. Secondly, I’m a sucker for a well made teaser trailer. It’s brief enough, yet also shows us enough to make us want more.

 

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