There’s no doubt that in the real world, at the very least, James Bond would be dealing with some painful, burning urination. To say James sleeps around is a major understatement. Here is a list of every woman James Bond has had sexual intercourse with in film. Keep in mind some of these are implied sexual conquests, and never forget that James never uses condoms!
Sylvia Trench – Bond has a quickie with her in his apartment before jetting off to Jamaica. They barely know each other. They know they have gambling and golf in common.
Miss Taro – She becomes Bond’s first ever “hate bang”, as he already knows she’s bad but figures having sex with her wouldn’t be an awful way to kill time. He also uses the “look, no hands” trick.
Honey Ryder – Bond has sex with her in a disgusting small boat, even though Felix Leiter is trying to get them ashore.
How did his relationship with Honey end? I think after having sex in the boat, as soon as they are on dry land, James immediately “ghosts” her. She goes back to being an island girl with an IQ of a child. Not cool James.
FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE
Sylvia Trench (again) – She might be the closest thing to a steady girlfriend that Bond has ever had. Or at the very least, his regular “booty call”. This time they hook up in public, while picnicking.
Two Gyspy Girls – It’s heavily implied that James had a threesome with them at the gypsy camp. In his defense, he was sort of forced to. Okay, maybe he wasn’t.
Tatiana Romanova – James gets involved in an old-fashioned “honeypot” scenario. Or what modern Russians would call “kompromat”. He has sex with Tanya in his hotel room in Istanbul, while being videotaped.
How did his relationship with Tanya end? I’m willing to believe that these two really tried to be boyfriend-girlfriend for a couple of months in London. Once James probably got bored with the relationship, I bet Tatiana ended up married to a British politician.
Jill Masterson – Before getting killed by being covered head to toe in gold paint, Jill and James have one of the quickest hookups in cinema history. Bond is “entirely satisfied” by her in his Miami Beach hotel room. I can tell you that the Beatles did not play during their love making.
Pussy Galore – Bond’s first “complicated” relationship. James borderline sexually assaults Pussy (did I mention she’s a lesbian?) in Goldfinger’s barn. She, of course, loves it and is willing to give this heterosexuality thing a shot.
How did his relationship with Pussy end? I think she couldn’t go on living a lie and after a couple of weeks Pussy was back to the ladies. I hope she settled down with one of her flight students and they are both living in Louisville.
Patricia – Bond blackmails his nurse into having sex with him inside a health clinic steam room. That’s about as romantic as it gets with these two.
Fiona Volpe – Bond has sex with this redheaded villainess in a hotel room in the Bahamas. She’s possibly wilder than him in the sack.
Domino Vitali – She and James have sex in the Caribbean ocean. As they emerge from the water, Bond says: ‘I hope we didn’t frighten the fish.’ Ewwww. One of them definitely got a nasty rash.
How did his relationship with Domino end? I think it ended way before ever getting serious. Domino was kind of in love with her dead brother, so I bet James never lived up to Francois.
YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE
Ling – Okay this one is debatable. We see them lying in a Murphy bed in Hong Kong in the beginning of the film. It looks all postcoital, but then later in the movie Bond tells Moneypenny what happened with Ling: ‘Oh, another five minutes and I would have found out.’ Mmhmm. I’m counting Ling and guessing James didn’t want to tell Moneypenny about the sex.
Helga Brandt – Sex with another redheaded baddie. Helga thinks she’s having an evening of passion with some guy named Fisher.
Aki – James and Aki have sex during his massage. After she is killed, Bond comes close to having sex with his pretend-wife Kissy Suzuki, but they get interrupted on a life raft.
How did his relationship with Kissy end? I think James and Kissy finally had sex on the naval ship and he gets her pregnant. He bails on her before ever finding out she got knocked up. A rare slip up for James.
ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE
Tracy – The first time Bond and his future wife have sex is on his hotel balcony in Portugal. She owes him money and decides to pay him off by having a one night stand. Love is in the air.
Ruby – Bond, disguised as Sir Hillary Bray, hooks up with Ruby at a clinic for women with odd allergies. At this time, Bond is engaged to Tracy. But hey, duty calls.
Nancy – As soon as James/Hillary does the “walk of shame” from Ruby’s room, he has sex with Nancy, another clinic girl. She was waiting for him in his room. That’s two for James in one night. Props to his stamina.
How did his relationship with Tracy end? We see her get shot in the head after the wedding.
DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER
Tiffany Case – Since James never gets around to having fun with Plenty O’Toole, the only woman he sleeps with is Tiffany. They have sex in Bond’s Vegas hotel suite. Keep in mind, James is still feeling down over wife’s murder. I guess. Okay. Not really.
How did his relationship with Tiffany end? Tiffany seemed very clingy. I doubt a brand new widower like James would want to get serious with her.
LIVE AND LET DIE
Miss Caruso – She is an Italian agent who stays with James at his apartment after a mission together. She sleeps over his place, so James is really growing up.
Rosie Carver – A double crossing agent, whom Bond decides to have some picnic sex with in San Monique.
Solitaire – Definitely not James’ finest moment. She’s a virgin with a gift for fortune telling. He uses a stacked deck of ‘Lover’ tarot cards to trick her into the bedroom.
How did his relationship with Solitaire end? I’m guessing during the long train ride at the end, James knew that he couldn’t seriously date a young woman he just deflowered. Must have been an extremely awkward breakup. “Hey Solitaire, I’m sorry I ruined your fortune telling career because I had to get some.”
THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN
Andrea Anders – James sleeps with Scaramanga’s main squeeze in his Bangkok hotel room, while his #1 girl Mary waits it out in the closet. Just think about it. James Bond and Francesco Scaramanga are “eskimo brothers”.
Mary Goodnight – Finally! After waiting throughout the whole movie, a very desperate Mary has sex with James on Scaramanga’s ship. Not sure I could have sex while knowing Nick Nack is stuck up in the crow’s nest!
How did his relationship with Mary end? Since she worked for MI6, I’m sure James gave her some BS about how work relationships don’t work. I also believe Mary kept telling her friends she was James Bond’s girlfriend for almost a year.
THE SPY WHO LOVED ME
Russian blonde – Bond is shacked up with a beautiful blonde Russian in a snowy cabin in Austria.
Arab harem girl – While hanging out with an old friend in a fancy tent in Egypt, instead of making his way to Cairo immediately, James takes his friend’s offer to stay the night once he sees a stunning beauty. As James says… ‘When one is in Egypt, one should delve deeply into its treasures.” So true!
Anya Amasova – Bond and Agent XXX have sex in train, as she nurses Bond’s wounds from his fight with Jaws. Interesting foreplay.
How did his relationship with Anya end? This is another relationship that I believe James could make work for awhile. She’s supposed to be the Russian female version of him, but because of their busy schedules with missions, it ended after a few months.
Corinne Dufour – Bond sexes up this sweet, innocent helicopter pilot. He has sex with her just so he can get more info on her boss Drax. And like so many of his ladies, she dies.
Manuela – This has to be one of Bond’s quickest hookups. All he has to ask her is “How do you kill five hours in Rio if you don’t Samba?” I guess blame it on Rio?!
Holly Goodhead – With a name like that, she must… anyway. Holly and James make love in her Venice hotel room. Oh and they do it later in outer space!
How did his relationship with Holly end? They got into a huge fight while in space, trying to get back to Earth. Something about James not taking directions well.
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
Countess Lisl – They meet at a casino and immediately end up having sex at her villa. Did I mention she dies?
Melina Havelock – It doesn’t happen until the very end when James and Melina consummate their relationship underwater during a moonlight swim. The fish were frightened again, I’m sure.
How did his relationship with Melina end? They both understood that they were forcing this and that the 25+ year age gap was too much. Ironically, James waited a couple of years for the figure skater Bibi Dahl to turn 18 and let’s just say they helped each other build up some muscle tone.
Magda – After a few brief flirty scenes, she and James hook up in his New Delhi hotel room. They “make a few memories” and she then steals his Faberge egg. But not before she shows Bond her “little octopussy”… tattoo.
Octopussy – The title character and Bond have a steamy soap opera style love session in the tacky bedroom of her monsoon palace.
How did his relationship with Octopussy end? They dated for two years because as James told her: they are two of a kind. I just hope he finally learned her real full name. I can’t imagine James going out with a girl and having to introduce her to people as “my girlfriend Octopussy.”
A VIEW TO A KILL
Kimberly Jones – Bond is officially in “dirty old man” territory, as he takes advantage of a young girl assisting him. They screw for five days from Siberia to Alaska on a motorized iceberg. Five days of sex, champagne, caviar and severe moments of awkwardness.
May Day – Bond has sex… excuse me… May Day has sex with Bond, in what I’m going to guess is in James’ top 5 kinkiest escapades of his life.
Pola Ivanova – The poor woman’s Anya Amasova. She and James do it in a San Francisco bathhouse, as the “bubbles tickler her…Tchaikovsky.”
Stacey Sutton – Some rare shower sex for James at the end of the movie with beautiful, yet dimwitted Stacey. Q’s robot dog, or whatever the hell it was, gets some peeping in.
How did his relationship with Stacey end? After shower sex, James tucked her into bed and made her a quiche. He then left her a sweet note explaining how things would never work out, especially after learning that her mom was younger than him.
THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS
Girl on Yacht – Bond literally drops in on her, makes a phone call to HQ saying he will report in an hour. She offers him a drink, and says “better make that two”. I’m counting this one, unless James spent two hours drinking champagne and gossiping.
Kara Milovy – After almost doing it inside an enclosed Ferris wheel, she and James have sex in a surprisingly nice looking bedroom in war-torn Afghanistan.
How did his relationship with Kara end? I think James tried to make it work for a couple of years. However, she was just too boring for him and I’m sure listening to her practice the cello drove him mad. Or maybe she once order him to take out the trash and he told her: “stuff your orders!”
LICENCE TO KILL
Pam Bouvier – James and Pam get it on in the waters of Bimini, as their speedboat runs out of gas. This is the most teenage of sex moves James has ever pulled off in the movies.
Lupe – James has sex with the Isthmus City beauty queen in the guest bedroom of the main villain, Franz Sanchez. Major burn!
How did his relationship with Pam end? While making out fully clothed in the pool, James leaves to get them both some drinks. Pam waits for an hour in the pool and then finally starts looking for James. She then sees him having sex with Lupe again. Oh James!
Natalya Simonova – After Bond avoids getting killed, and possibly an STD, with Xenix Onatopp, he develops a nice relationship with Natalya. They first have sex in Cuba, at what looks like a resort just for them.
How did his relationship with Natalya end? After pronouncing her full name wrong for the 55th time, she breaks up with James. She tells him to go play with his “boys toys”.
TOMORROW NEVER DIES
Inga Bergstrom – James has sex on Oxford campus with a beautiful Danish professor. Why? How? I really want to know more about this random hookup.
Paris Carver – He and his old flame go at it soap opera-style in his Hamburg hotel room. Lots of shoulder bitting.
Wai Lin – Sex at the very end of the movie, floating on what looks like some debris in the middle of South China sea. They are both soaking wet. How James didn’t make a sexual comment about that I will never know.
How did his relationship with Lin end? The two of them lasted about a month. Too many snide remarks about capitalism and communism.
THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH
Dr. Molly Warmflash – James convinces Molly to throw away her ethics and give him a clean bill of health. What does she get in return? A phone call for maybe a date, and some quick sex in the examination room. What a gal!
Elektra King – Bond can cross off “sex in Baku” off his bucket list, as he and Elektra make passionate love in her bedroom.
Dr. Christmas Jones – They screw in Turkey and Bond lands the mother of all cheesy sex puns… ”I thought Christmas only comes once a year.”
How did his relationship with Christmas end? After a couple of weeks of dating, they both realized they had nothing in common and they could barely talk to one another. Also, Bond kept making doctor and Christmas jokes. Also, she lied about being a nuclear physicist.
DIE ANOTHER DAY
Jinx – After not having sex for 18 months, James and Jinx get frisky in Cuba. The only time we ever see James facially orgasm. Afterwards, Jinx has a knife and some fruit in bed.
Miranda Frost – She and James do it the coldest bedroom ever invented. By the way, in the morning death was not cooked for breakfast.
How did his relationship with Jinx end? They stayed together for a few months because the sex was great. But James couldn’t take anymore “fruit sex” with Jinx.
Vesper Lynd – After James turns down a BJ in the Bahamas from Solange, he meets the first true love of his life. The first time James and Vesper have sex is while he’s recovering from having his balls bashed to pieces. Look, I will never doubt James Bond’s virility… but I have a hard time (no pun intended) believing he could have sex so quickly after nearly losing his testicles.
How did his relationship with Vesper end? As we know, she drowned herself.
QUANTUM OF SOLACE
Strawberry Fields – Not only does Strawberry go down as one of his quickest conquests, and as usual soon-to-be dead, but she falls for the worst pickup line ever uttered by Bond: “I can’t find the stationery. Come and help me look.”
How did his relationship with Camille end? I know, I know. James and Camille never hooked up. In fact, they barely had a real kiss. But I hope they eventually gave it a shot since they were both so damaged emotionally.
Beach Girl – While Bond is “enjoying death”, he finds himself a hideaway honey. We don’t have a name for her, but they certainly enjoy sex up against the wall.
Severine – After discovering that she had been a sex worker since the age of 12, James thinks it would be romantic if she snuck up on her in the shower. Oh I don’t know about that James.
How did his relationship with Moneypenny end? That’s right, James and Eve almost have sex in Shanghai. I like to think that after the events of Skyfall, they went out on a few dates but decided against having meaningless sex since they see each other everyday at work.
Lucia Sciarra – James sexes up the widow of an assassin he killed. They get it on in her mansion in Rome. Bond leaves her rather quickly and we never see her again.
Madeleine Swann – The daughter of the evil Mr. White becomes a somewhat serious relationship for James. She almost makes him forget about Vesper, when they have sex inside a train after his brutal fight with Mr. Hinx.
How did his relationship with Madeleine end? They drive off in his Aston Martin DB5, settle down in the English countryside. After being together for three years, Bond explains to her that he misses his old life and he walks away from the relationship.
So by my count: 55ish